If you've already joined a Yahoo fantasy football league this preseason, chances are you've noticed the big ad for Revolution Money Exchange across the top of the league home screen:

I'm always up for free stuff, so I signed up even though I had no idea what the heck it was. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that what they offer, in theory anyway, is kind of like PayPal but without any fees whatsoever. Normally I'd be kind of sketched out by something like this, which sounded a little too good to be true, but their affiliation with Yahoo made me feel like they were probably pretty legit.

Well, they aren't. Stay. The hell. Away.

Their website is the most poorly-built piece of crap I've ever put my fist through the screen after trying to use. Over the past two weeks, I've been trying to verify my bank account (a run-of-the-mill HSBC checking account) with them, and it simply refuses to work. Meanwhile, their crack support team has been putting on a clinic about how not to solve a customer's problem. I'm starting to come to the conclusion that their entire business is a front for a cocaine smuggling ring or something. Clearly, this whole free-PayPal thing is just a ruse.

One of the joys you'll encounter when using RME is that the website never remembers your login info, not even for five minutes. Nor does it allow your web browser to remember it - it uses some retarded Javascript  voodoo to keep that from happening. There's also a security question to type in every time. This wouldn't be so terrible if it weren't for the fact that the goddam site frequently boots you out for no apparent reason while you're using it. Not the normal timeout thing after ten minutes that some banks have - it kicks you out while you're using it.

As for the problem I keep running into when trying to verify my account: The way they do this is they make two small deposits into your account, then ask you to type the amounts into their site to prove you own the account. Pretty straightforward, we've all seen it before. Except that theirs doesn't work. My deposits were of 15 and 6 cents. I typed them in, and it told me I was incorrect. Thinking maybe the order was important, I reversed them and tried again. Still no dice. I tried a third time for good luck, and this time it unceremoniously booted me out of the system. When I logged back in, I found that my bank account was labeled "Verification Failed" - with no explanation or way to fix the problem. I contacted customer support, which began my little adventure with them, which I will copy here in its entirety. Enjoy.

Me:

Hi, I'm trying to verify my bank account, but I'm running into trouble and it now says "Verification Failed." It told me that the deposit amounts I entered didn't match, but they did.

Revolution Money Exchange: (apparently already baffled by this request)

Thank you for your e-mail to Revolution Money Exchange. Please clarify your e-mail request. We apologize for any inconvenience and appreciate your patience.

Me:

I went to verify my bank account, and the two deposits were of 15 and 6 cents. I typed that into the Confirm Bank Account screen, and it told me that the amounts I entered were incorrect.

Revolution Money Exchange:

Thank you for your email. In regards to your 2 deposits did you put decimal point before the 2 deposits when entering it on Money Exchange; if you did please drop the decimal points. Another suggestion would be to make sure you're putting the deposits in the same order they were received. The last suggestion is if you and your husband have the same bank account you may have put in his deposits instead of your own. If that is the case please reenter your bank information and wait for the deposits to come. Once you have verified them, please have your husband reenter his bank information and repeat the process.

Me: (hovering somewhere between angry and amused)

Uh...

1) You can't enter decimal points, the system doesn't let you. Woulda thought you'd know that.
2) I'm a guy. Named "Matt." I definitely don't have a husband.
3) There's only one bank account in play here. All that stuff about waiting for another bank account's information... no.
4) I tried to enter the amounts ordered both ways.

Not off to a good start here. Maybe you should escalate this to a manager if you don't know what you're doing.

Five days go by. Then:

Me:

Hello?

Two more days go by. Then:

Revolution Money Exchange: (yawn, copy, paste, call it a day)

Please follow the steps below to complete the verification process:

1. In your bank account locate the amounts of the two small deposits from Revolution Money.
2. Login to your MoneyExchange account
3. Click on the Funding Source link under the My Account tab.
4. On the verification screen enter the amounts of the two small deposits.
   Note: Do not enter decimal points before the amounts and include a zero if the amount is less than $.10. (example: $.05 should be entered as 05)
5. Click on the “Submit for Verification” icon.
6. The screen will display the successful verification message when the bank account has been successfully associated.

(By the way, if you don't know how to make your web form automatically format the customer's deposit info properly, then you shouldn't be running a financial website.)

Me: (sigh)

As I've already explained, I can't follow the steps below, as it currently says "Verification Failed" next to my bank account.

That's where we're at. I think I give up. The moral of the story: Do not, under any circumstances, use these guys to manage your league finances.